Why do I write?
Why do I share my heart with you?
Why do I talk about my failures and faults?
There are probably many different answers to these questions.
Why do you do what you love?
Why do you open up to people?
Why do you move on after failure?
Or don’t you?
I spent March 15th of 2022 in the Emergency Room. It was before I had launched my blog, and as I've mentioned, I wasn't in the best state of mind. My feelings were mostly negative and I didn't really care what happened next, at least I thought I didn't. To make a long story short, I got to work at my normal time, did my normal routine, but then my body began to shut down, or at least it felt that way. The worst part was being so cold, but also profusely sweating. It felt like my organs were in below zero weather. Because the ambulance drivers couldn’t find a pulse, after we called 911, I was taken to the ER. I felt better not too long after arrival but I had to sit there forever. A little bit of an uncomfortable feeling remained, but my body had brought itself back. No one was allowed in the room, so I just laid in the bed, read on my phone, watched some reels, took a nap, texted my dad, etc.
This was Monday, which meant it was my day to send weekly scriptures out. I couldn't forget, so after some reading, I sent my weekly scripture texts. I didn't tell many people I was in the hospital, because it seemed like unnecessary information. However, one of my friends, who is on my scripture list, knew that I was there. His response to the screenshot I sent out, one of a hopeful verse, was something along the lines of, "Figures. That is so you." Apparently, because I was sending scriptures as I was laying in a hospital bed. Seems normal to me, but I smiled, that is so me.
Peter is an amazing character in the Bible. His faith encourages us, but one of the main stories he is known for is when he denies Jesus. If you haven't read the story, when Jesus is going to be crucified and all turn on Him, His best friend Peter claims that he has no association with Jesus. Jesus knew that Peter would deny Him prior to the happening though, Jesus even warned His companion. In Luke 22, Jesus tells Peter that he will deny Jesus; along with this warning Jesus says:
"I have prayed that your faith will be strong. And when you have come back to me, help others."
In another translation it reads:
"I have pleaded in prayer for you, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers."
Let me ask you a different way, why do you wake up everyday? What drives your passion, your actions, your life? Why do you keep moving forward after unwanted circumstances? Why do you forgive yourself from past mistakes and work toward a better future? Why do you share your bests and worsts with other people?
Maybe Peter had times where he asked himself those very questions or similar.
Why didn't Peter give up after making one of the biggest mistakes recorded in history?
What was Peter's why?
I believe Peter's why held tight to the words Jesus spoke to Him. Peter held onto Jesus knowing his future faults, but forgiving him while demonstrating unconditional love.
Peter held on to this: "help & strengthen others."
Jesus knew Peter would fail, He told Peter, but then He gave Peter a why. Jesus knew it would be hard for Peter to move on, he would feel disabled from service, so Jesus addresses it before Peter even feels it himself. He gave Peter a reason to not condemn Himself and give up sharing the good news, He told Peter to move on and strengthen others. Help them with what he had been through himself, show them the forgiveness, acceptance, and the love of Jesus.
That is my why too. That is why I share this blog. After my experiences, ups, and downs, my goal is to help others. My why is to show them that Jesus offers hope, peace, unconditional love, and true companionship. My why keeps me serving, writing, and growing. My why didn't change in the hospital. My why doesn't change on good days. My why doesn't even change on the worst days. Some days are a struggle, then I have to remind myself of my why: loving Jesus most & loving others with the same unconditional love shown to me. I want to show people that there is hope in this world, even in the lowest of circumstances.
That is my why.
What's your why?
Grace and Peace,
Evelyn
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