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Have you ever looked back to learn?

What are some of the hardest moments in your life? Think back to the time when you felt absolutely hopeless. Remember how you felt, what circumstances you were in the midst of, and who was there with you. Most likely, when I ask you to look back at these times, more than just one moment comes to mind, or maybe you're in the middle of one right now; let me share my story.


As mentioned in my testimony, a few years ago my pastor challenged us to start reading our Bibles for fifteen minutes a day and my life was changed. Spending undistracted time in the word of God grows you-it's beautiful, and there is nothing like it. That might not be fifteen minutes for you, it could be ten or it could be thirty. (That was my shameless plug to read God's words!)

After I accepted this challenge, I had progressed to a fairly long streak of my daily fifteen. I was growing, learning, helping other people, and life was good.Then one week I felt like everything changed. I began to struggle with the biggest mental battle I have ever fought. In school at the time, I tried to keep it together but these thoughts were almost overpowering. I was utterly depressed, to the point of despair. There was nothing I felt like I could do to escape, because the battle was in my own mind; honestly, it was frightening. I have vivid memories of crying in the middle of class, at lunch meetings, in the bathroom, and even during volleyball practice after school. The fight of being on the verge of tears throughout the day was enough, but the battle in my mind was the worst.

On one specific occasion, I remember sitting on the couch and asking my parents to pray with me. When I recall this moment, I think of Inside Out, because I hugged my parents, really broke down, and cried. It felt like this battle was hopeless.

Now that you have a brief idea of how bad this time period was, why did I bother bringing it up?


When we look back and recall the moments of our life that are the worst, we can be reminded of our faithful friend who never left our side, through the good and the bad, He was faithful.


On Wednesday, August 17th, I went to see Elevation Worship and Kari Jobe in concert. The experience was absolutely amazing. My favorite thing to do is worship and to be in a stadium with a few of my favorite worship leaders was an unforgettable moment. (I could probably talk forever about it, so if you want to know more you'll have to ask me separately).

After Kari had opened and we worshipped together, Elevation took the stage. They came out with fun, jumping, lights, and energy. Being a part of this was a blast. Shortly after, they slowed it down a little too, so we could just rest in worship. As the large cross stood lighting up the stage, they led the song Do It Again. If you've never listened to it, I encourage you to do so.

I've always loved this song, but standing there and singing it brought me a new perspective.


How did I get through that time in my life that felt hopeless? I used worship as a weapon, I quoted scripture, I stood boldly on the name of Jesus, and when everything felt like it was falling apart, I rested in knowing that the author and perfecter of my faith was by my side, with me in the fire.

Using worship as a weapon during this time was one of my most powerful tools. When the lies came, the intrusive thoughts, or the hopelessness, I praised, I sang, and I called on the name of Jesus. A song that I used consistently was Do It Again. God had moved mountains before in my life, and I knew that this mountain was no different. Just like David said against Goliath, "The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” (1 Samuel 17)

That is what I declared through this time.


Standing in Cleveland, Ohio on August 17th of 2022 singing the same song I sang years ago to fight my battles gave me a new appreciation for Jesus. He has always been faithful, that I know, but this time was different. I was praising His name years later, with the very song I sang when I didn't see any hope. As I sang that song three years ago to declare God's faithfulness in the battle, and to bring me victory, I sang that song three days ago to praise the God who has brought me through and will never fail me.


Today I encourage you, look back. Think of the times when you felt hopeless, now look where you are standing in the victory of Jesus who was always by your side. If you're in the middle of the battle, worship. Remember how God has been faithful, take my story as inspiration that He will be faithful, and soon you'll be looking back, singing the same song you used as a weapon, when the days are brighter, remembering what He has done for you.

Grace and Peace,




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